STOP PRESS:
Sensational rumours are beginning to emerge that Manchester United football club are refusing to relinquish The English Premier League title.
In a further development, Arsene Wenge and Pat Rice, of Arsenal (who came a distant third), are reported to have spent the weekend negotiating with Roman Abramovich and Carlo Ancelotti of Chelsea (who actually won most points) with a view to sharing the trophy in return for certain concessions.
In the meantime, however, unknown to the Chelsea bosses, Sesc Fabricas, Sol Campbell, and Theo Walcott have been holding secret discussions with Gary Neville, Rio Ferdinand and Wayne Rooney about the possibility of forming a rainbow alliance with newly promoted Stevenage Borough FC, Glasgow Rangers, Linfield, and TN Saints (formerly Oswestry Town and Llansantffraid FCs).
Sir Alex Ferguson, who revealed the talks in a hastily arranged news conference outside Old Trafford, also announced that (for the good of the beautiful game) he intended to resign his position of team manager. However, in order to allow a successor to be selected, he would remain in office until the start of the next season.
In all of these quite extraordinary events, there is no evidence to suggest that a single season-ticket or shareholder has been consulted.
